Antony Flew prominent athiest has denied he has converted to Christianity.
He said
"Perhaps because I was born too soon to be involved in the internet world I had
heard nothing of this rumour. So Mr. Carrier asks me to explain myself in
cyberspace. This, with the help of the Internet Infidels, I now attempt. Those
rumours speak false..........
By an extraordinary coincidence just as I received that denial I came into
possession of an intriguing interview conducted by His Holiness the Pope.
I have this exclusive text in my possession pending authentication, however I will give you a peep.
Interviewer: (hereafter called I) I understand you have undergone a change in life stance your Holiness.
His Holiness: (herafter refered to as HH) Yes
I: What?
HH: I have realised that Catholicism is a pack of old pagan mythology and I have decided to be a Humanist.
I: What lead you to this change of heart?
HH: Well I had a Humanistic revelation - an historian told me that
all of the major mythologies relating to our Lord Jesus were in place in the
various pagan beliefs long before that time formerly known as the life of our
Lord took place.
I realised that if the details of his life were a fabrication then probably his
existence was and frankly I felt a bit of a chook and decided to become a
Humanist, because then I would be allowed to think and talk about these things
and have sex.
I: But what about sacrifice on the cross and the holy trinity?
HH: Well when I was a Catholic I was keen to spread the word. We
were active on many fronts in books, the Internet, and prime real estate as
well as the leading political forums spreading our propaganda. It used to
trouble me that the best god could manage when he was in charge was a political
backwater, 12 fishermen and a family member. I used to feel he should have done
better and frankly I found him a bit of a muddler.
Now I'm a Humanist I realise he was handicapped by not existing. I have much
more respect for god now he am not than when he used to am.
I: Used to am?
HH: A theological joke
I: Oh!
I: What about the trinity?
HH: Well there again I couldn't understand why he needed three of him when one was ample. I really thought he ought to pull himself together.
[there was a delay here while HH collected himself and wiped tears from his eyes saying 'pull himself together, get it?']
HH: and now he's down to nothing he certainly has achieved that [a shorter delay with eye wiping] Oh yes we Humanists certainly enjoy our dry humoured chuckle at the antics of those catholics. Still now I am a Humanist I must be tolerant. After all some of my best friends are catholics.
I: What about god's finest creation in his own image?
HH: Oh yes, you are referring to what we Humanists call Homo Sapiens. Well have you had a good look at them and their behaviour? Go to the zoo and watch chimpanzees and you have to remind yourself which way you're facing. If that's the image of god then boy are we in trouble.
I: We often are in trouble.
HH: Yes well what can you expect from a bunch of atomic bomb weilding chimpanzees. I can't think how I was so thick. After all if humans can turn a wolf into a poodle in a few thousand years, what could natural selection do to a virus in 4 billion? I feel a bit of a chook to tell you the truth.
I: What about the magnificent contribution of Catholicism to science, art and literature?
HH: Well it worried me when we found the earth is more of a sphere than we thought. You know it isn't in fact flat?
I: So I understand.
HH: Yes that Galileo chap had it right. And I'm not sure that Hitler fellow was the one to back in the late war. And we aren't absolutely convinced that the god stuff was the best use of Michaelangelo's talents.
I: So what are your plans now you're a Humanist?
HH: Oh reading studying. I'm going to have a go at learning to think, and of course well you know...A bit of ..you know what you call it...
I: sex?
HH: I wouldn't be so blunt, but I understand it's ok for us Humanists
I: as long as it's with love and respect and care for one's partner's health and with due consideration for consequences.
HH: condoms?
I: yes
HH: got one?:
I: Here
HH: I suppose now I'm a Humanist I don't have to abominate gays either.
I: Nope
HH: No little convent boys and girls?
I: You shock me
HH: I meant to terrify into submission of your will with stories of hell while they're too young to know better?
I: Nope
HH: Pity really, just as you realise you are a beast with bestial desires you have to get them under control.
I: Yep
HH: Still there is sex. Actually now I am a Humanist and draw my morality from maths, science and compassion I have a theory of propagation. Look it takes two people to propagate.
I: So I understand
HH: So if each two people have two offspring then you achieve stability except for a bit of natural attrition and some people not wanting to and so on and it becomes possible to feed and look after everyone in a civilised way. I call it 1 + 1 = 2 more, theory of propagation.
I: Absolutely brilliant your Holiness.
HH: I thought so. Call me John
I: Thank you Paul
HH: You're welcome
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