How do I get people to notice what I believe?

They said it couldn’t be done, but with a smile I went right to it,
I tried the thing that couldn’t be done.and couldn’t do it.

I first encountered this bit of ‘reactionary’ doggerel back in the sixties and I still enjoy it. It has the strength of self-parody - it doesn’t take itself seriously. The message I get from it is have a go but accept your frailty. And that is a powerful message for any Humanist - or anyone else for that matter. We can never do any better than to have a go, at the same time accepting we may fail or be wrong.

A more politically correct but far more daunting and often wrong version of the same sentiment is ‘Think you can. Think you can’t. You’re right.’

There is another old adage ‘if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all’. I dismissed this as a kid as unworkable. The spirit of the thing is okay, but heck, what sort of world has only nice stuff in it. Sometimes you have to get to the nitty-gritty. Advancing age softens many attitudes and now I’m not so sure.

We learn by example and out of respect. A kindly person offering an opinion on how they do things without criticism of me may influence me. Confrontation or abuse and ordering about seldom will.

But there’s a dilemma here. Every human tends to think they know everything for the betterment of everyone. I’m writing this in the hope I will influence you to behave differently. Do I really believe I can live your life better than you do? Of course I do, just as I hope you feel you could make a better job of my life.

Perhaps there’s something to the ‘shut up or be positive’ approach.. I think it’s what is called tolerance. Colloquially it’s ‘live and let live’. Think before you speak gets close.

It’s also respect. The person you are dealing with is the most important person in the world. They won’t admit it, but their opinion is always more important to them than anyone else’s: It has to be, they never truly know anyone else’s opinion. When dealing with the most important person in the world, there is always only one way to proceed. Cautiously with respect.

Tolerance and Respect are words getting a lot of use lately and the world is a better place for it. But how do you get anything said, after all much human behaviour is bad and must not be ignored?

Humans live out their lives in a sea of inter-reacting ideas. We need the nudge of new ideas that threaten what we already hold dear. How to get across ideas without offense?

Assertiveness. Say what you believe, but say it from a personal point of view, say it kindly, say it believing you may be wrong, but say it as something important to you. Say it as if you are speaking to the most important person on earth.

These things are tolerance, respect and assertiveness. They work and they keep working. Think of the people who influenced you and gave you your ethics. If you accepted what they said, I bet it was because they treated you respectfully and not as the snotty nosed little brat you probably were.

Jeff Hunt is Webmaster and Vice President of the New Zealand Humanist Society

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